Possibilities: Gnawing Worry
by Violet Enigma
Summary: Hawke (F) waits impatiently for possible news about Carver's fate. Part of my "Possibilities" one-shots, which will eventually turn into a linear tale once the muses stop bouncing me all around the story.


Varric could only watch as Hawke paced back and forth in his suite in agitation. Ever since the Deep Roads she had come in here like clock-work every week to await the correspondence that arrived for him. Not only was Varric trying to track down the whereabouts of his own brother, but Hawke's as well.

"Hawke, I would prefer to not have a ditch worn into the floor of my room," Varric tried to chuckle. He knew she was worried, especially since she also had picked up the bad habit of chewing in her thumb nail when she was pacing. Varric couldn't deny it though, he was worried too.

"I'm sorry Varric, it's just…" Hawke started, trailing off.

"You don't deal well with a lack of information." Varric finished for her.

"Right, and even though mother has been trying to fill some of her time by working on getting the estate back, it haunts her to not know if Carver survived." Hawke started, finally giving up the pacing to lean impatiently on the bookshelf by the door.

Varric noticed Blondie coming up the stairs outside the door, causing him to smile to himself. Once Anders had learned of Hawke's weekly visits to Varric's suite for news, Blondie inevitably started showing up too. He claimed it was to find out, but Varric knew he wanted to be there for Hawke, the mage was smitten with her.

"And I think she blames me for taking him, thinking that if he hadn't gone with me he would still be here. But I know my brother, he would have been angry and done something stupid like join up with the Red Iron again or become a templar, or run off and been a pirate." Hawke ranted.

"A pirate?" Anders chuckled from the door, moving to one of the seats. "Really?"

"Oh, I don't know," Hawke replied in exacerbation, pushing away from the bookshelf to start pacing again. "I'm just worried. It's been nearly a year, and no word. A year not knowing if one: he even made it out of the Deep Roads to actually try the joining or two: if he survived the joining. I know you said it was a possible death sentence."

"Hawke, my floor. Trenches are bad for dwarven legs."

"Sorry," Hawke mumbled, before flopping in a chair next to Anders and letting out a sigh of frustration.

"Hawke," Anders started, daring to lace his fingers through hers. "As I told you, your brother is stronger than he thinks. If I can make it through the joining, then so can he."

"Thanks Anders," Hawke replied with a weak smile before squeezing his hand, straightening in the chair and leaning her head back to take some needed deep breaths.

Varric noticed that Hawke didn't pull her hand away from Anders. _Bad move Hawke, that boy has it bad for you. I know you need the comfort, but oh- this is just asking for trouble._ "No sleeping Hawke," Varric stated when he noticed her keep her eyes closed and her breathing continued to slow.

"I'm not sleeping Varric," she replied with a cheeky grin. "Anyway we both know that any sleeping done here would be done after a long, sweaty workout requiring little to no clothes."

"Tempting Hawke," Varric replied with a grin. "But you know I'm already taken."

"I know, Bianca's a lucky girl," Hawke replied, cracking open one aquamarine eye to smile at Varric.

"So if you're not sleeping, what are you doing?" Anders asked starting to blush since Hawke was still holding his hand.

"Knitting a sweater," Hawke replied, grinning with her eyes closed which caused both men to chuckle. "I'm meditating."

"Why?" Varric asked intrigued, knowing there would be a little background to this.

"It's something my father taught Bethy and I. Well, mostly me," Hawke replied, grinning wistfully. "He told me that our sarcastic and impulsive natures plus quick tempers could cause us problems, meditation was a way to enhance our discipline and self-control making us more effective mages."

"Does it help?" Anders asked, staring at her serene face. Varric noticed his hand twitch towards her, almost like he wished to caress her face.

"Hmm," Hawke pondered. "I suppose, most of the time it does."

Varric and Blondie let Hawke have a few minutes to herself, watching in fascination as her deep breaths got slower and slower. Finally she opened her eyes, and flashed them both a huge smile.

"Much better," she stated, finally letting go of Anders hand and standing up.

"How often do you do that?" Varric asked, intrigued.

"I try to meditate everyday, but you'd be surprised how easy it is just to take a few cleansing breaths and release some pent up emotions," Hawke replied, now standing easily in the room. "It's easier once you have more practice and you need less and less time to center yourself."

"Could you teach me?" Anders asked, intrigued.

"I could try," Hawke replied, looking puzzled for a moment before continuing. "I'm just not sure how it will work for you, with Justice and all, but I'm willing to give it a shot."

"So is that how you deal with this band of misfits?" Varric asked, with an amused chuckle.

"Oh, can you imagine the horror if I didn't meditate everyday?" Hawke asked with a mock shudder and grin. "Oh no, I didn't meditate quite so much until I met this group. You guys definitely keep me on my emotional toes."

"That looks like something you should teach Broody," Varric remarked with a chuckle.

"What do I need to learn?" Fenris rumbled from the door.

"Oh just something Hawke showed us," Varric chortled. "She went from frustratingly worried pacing a trench in my floor to calm as a clear blue sky in less than five minutes."

"And how did you do this?" Fenris asked, warily and you can see he feared magic was the cause.

"Apparently our fearless leader meditates," Varric answered for her. "It was quite interesting to watch."

"You…meditate?" Fenris asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

Hawke's only reply was a shrug of her shoulder and a saucy grin.

"She said she would teach me," Anders chimed in, gloating at the elf in the doorway.

"I could teach you, too," Hawke offered turning to look at Fenris. Varric notice Anders crumple in sadness at her offer.

"I would like that," Fenris replied, surprised that it was true.

"Great, you can both come by Gamlen's after dinner," Hawke replied, heading for the door. "I'll see you both tonight and wear something comfortable."

"Hawke!" Varric called after her departing figure.

"Yes Varric?" Hawke queried, turning back.

"Did you still want to wait to see if news about your brother came today?" Varric asked, chuckling. "I mean you only spent the last 20 minutes pacing only to walk out now."

"Right," Hawke stammered, blushing. She ran back into the room and sat back down in her abandoned seat next to Anders.

"Apparently meditation doesn't help your forgetful," Fenris smirked.

"Meditation can't make you perfect," Hawke replied with a cheeky grin. "But it sure brings you bloody close."

Hawke and Varric broke out laughing at Fenris' small scowl. They were still laughing when the messenger came with Varric's correspondence from outside the Kirkwall area. There was no news about Junior, but Varric suspected Hawke wasn't as concerned today.


End file.
